he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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