my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
