Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
