She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Randomize
