So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
