Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
