I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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