Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
