My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
How does it feel to date your dad?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
