I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
