Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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