I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
