why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
