i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
