Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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