All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
