Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Randomize
