good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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