Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
