More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
if i can run in heels then i can drive
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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