The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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