Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
