I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
