Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Randomize
