I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
