You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
