the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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