Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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