when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
