I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
