I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
