I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
