Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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