okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
