when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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