it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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