I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
