i already hear my dad disowning me
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
and you fell through a lawn chair
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
