If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
