is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
