After last night, I could never be a politician.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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