How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
