just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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