I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
