I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
