why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
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