...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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