I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking ros�, bitch!
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
