wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
A+ Viking dick
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
