the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
